There’s fighting—and then there’s this.

The kind of conflict that spirals fast.
Where everything becomes a trigger.
Where you’re both talking, but no one feels heard.
Where love and rage live side by side—and it’s exhausting.

Meet Rachel & Devin: Tension That Never Lets Up

Rachel and Devin (names changed) came into therapy drained.

They’d been together for five years. On good days, they laughed, shared dreams, and held each other tight. But those days were getting harder to find.

“We can’t have a conversation without it blowing up,” Rachel said.
“He never listens,” she snapped.
Devin shook his head. “You’re always mad. Nothing I do is enough.”

Their fights were loud. Fast. Emotional. Slammed doors. Harsh words. Silence that lasted for days. But the worst part? They still loved each other.

“It’s like we’re stuck in this war,” Devin said, “and neither of us knows how to get out.”

The Pattern: Attack, Defend, Repeat

In Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFCT), we don’t see one partner as “the problem.” We look at the pattern that pulls them both in—the cycle that hijacks their connection.

Rachel felt unseen. When Devin shut down, she’d pursue harder—raising her voice, trying to get through. Devin felt like a failure. When Rachel escalated, he’d shut down or lash out, trying to protect himself.

Her protest said: “Show me I matter.”
His silence said: “Don’t hurt me.”

But what they heard was:

  • “You’re too much.”

  • “You’re never enough.”

  • “You’ll never get it right.”

  • “You always mess this up.”

And so, the cycle kept spinning.

The Tool: Slowing the Storm With the EFT Tango

We started by helping them see the cycle—not each other—as the enemy. We named it together:

“Rachel gets louder → Devin shuts down → Rachel pushes harder → Devin explodes or leaves.”

Instead of blaming, we helped them get curious.

Rachel began to say:

“When I yell, I’m scared you’ll disappear.”

Devin learned to say:

“When you’re upset, I feel like I’ve already failed—and I panic.”

That’s when the shift started. Not because the conflict disappeared. But because the music underneath the fight changed.

EFT calls this the Tango—a slow, intentional dance of recognizing the cycle, naming the deeper emotions, and risking vulnerable truths.

If You’re in a High-Conflict Relationship…

You’re not broken. You’re caught in a pattern that’s louder than your love.

And if you’ve ever thought:

  • “We’re just toxic.”

  • “We shouldn’t be this hard.”

  • “Maybe we’re not meant to be.”

Pause.

Because sometimes, conflict isn’t proof of failure—it’s a cry for safety.

You’re trying to reach each other the only way you know how. You just need a new way.

May this be a small olive branch of hope for wherever you are.

Warmly,

Susan


Susan Liddy, MAMFT
Cornerstone Family Services
Roswell, Georgia

 

 

🌿 Stuck in Constant Conflict With the Person You Love?

If every conversation feels like a fight and you’re both left feeling hurt, unheard, or exhausted—you’re not alone. High-conflict doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you’re caught in a cycle that no one ever taught you how to break.

I offer complimentary consultations to explore whether Emotionally Focused Therapy could help you slow down the cycle and rebuild connection from the inside out.

Let’s talk. Sessions are available in-person in Roswell, GA or virtually across Georgia. (My fees, should we choose to work together, range from $125–$135 per session.)