Jake (name changed) is a hard worker.
He shows up, provides, takes care of what needs doing.
He doesn’t complain. He doesn’t ask for much.
But lately, he’s felt it building—an ache he can’t quite name.
He’s exhausted. Irritable. Distant.
His partner says he’s checked out.
Inside, he’s thinking:
“I do everything I’m supposed to. Why does it still feel like I’m failing?”
When Showing Up Still Doesn’t Feel Like Enough
This is something I hear often from men in therapy.
They’re not cold. They’re not uncaring.
They’re tired—and quietly heartbroken.
They say things like:
“I never feel appreciated.”
“She says she wants me to open up, but when I do, it turns into a fight.”
“I feel like I’m walking on eggshells all the time.”
“I don’t know what she wants from me anymore.”
And underneath that?
A question they often don’t feel allowed to ask:
“What about me?”
The Pressure to Be Everything—and the Permission to Need Something
Many men grow up learning that their value comes from what they do—not who they are.
They’re taught:
Don’t complain.
Don’t show weakness.
Don’t make it about you.
So they become problem-solvers. Providers. They protect others… and go emotionally unprotected themselves.
Over time, this turns into:
Suppressed feelings
Emotional burnout
Silent resentment
Disconnection—from their partner, and from themselves
This Isn’t About Blame—It’s About Burnout
Feeling unseen doesn’t mean your partner is the enemy. It means something in the emotional system of the relationship is out of balance.
Often, it’s a cycle:
One partner asks for more emotional connection
The other feels inadequate and shuts down
That withdrawal triggers more frustration, which deepens the disconnect
Nobody wins. And nobody feels safe enough to speak what’s true.
The Tool: Reclaiming Emotional Needs Without Shame
If this resonates with you, know this:
Your emotional needs are real. And they matter.
Start here:
Name the feeling, just for yourself.
“I feel alone.”
“I feel like I’m only loved when I’m performing.”
“I feel like I’ve lost my place in this relationship.”Ask yourself: When do I feel most appreciated? Least appreciated?
Practice one low-risk expression of need.
“Can I tell you something that’s hard for me to say?”
“Lately I’ve been feeling kind of invisible, and I don’t know how to fix that.”
You don’t have to pour it all out at once. Start small. Start honest.
You’re Allowed to Matter Too
Being in a relationship doesn’t mean becoming invisible. Caring for others doesn’t mean abandoning yourself.
You’re allowed to have emotional needs.
You’re allowed to ask for care—not just give it.
You’re allowed to be vulnerable and strong.
And if you’ve forgotten what it feels like to be seen, heard, and valued for who you are—not just what you do— Let this blog article serve as a reminder.
May this be a small olive branch of hope for wherever you are.
Warmly,
Susan
Susan Liddy, MAMFT
Cornerstone Family Services
Roswell, Georgia
🌿 Feel Like You’re Fading in Your Relationship?
If you’ve been doing everything you can but still feel unseen or disconnected, you’re not broken—and you’re not alone. Therapy can be a place to reclaim your emotional voice and reconnect to what matters most.
I offer complimentary consultations to explore whether individual or couples therapy could support your journey.
Let’s talk. Sessions are available in-person in Roswell, GA or virtually across Georgia. (My fees, should we choose to work together, range from $125–$135 per session.)
