Being in a relationship can feel like a dance—sometimes flowing, sometimes clumsy, and sometimes like you’re stepping on your own feet to avoid stepping on theirs.

You want to be close.
You want to care.
But somewhere along the way, you stopped noticing where you end and they begin.

When “We” Swallows “Me”

It starts small.

You stop going to that weekly yoga class because your partner prefers to stay in.
You say “it’s fine” when it’s not.
You quiet your opinions to keep the peace.
You say yes when everything in you is screaming no.

Soon, the things that used to bring you joy—your hobbies, friendships, alone time—start to fade.
And in their place?
A quiet, aching resentment… and a whispering question:

“Who am I anymore?”

Losing Yourself Isn’t Love—It’s Survival

For many people, this pattern doesn’t come from weakness. It comes from old emotional wiring.

Maybe you learned early on that love meant pleasing, adapting, or shrinking to stay close. Maybe you grew up believing your needs were too much—or not enough to matter.

In adult relationships, this can show up as:

  • Saying yes to things that don’t feel good

  • Avoiding conflict at all costs

  • Over-giving without receiving

  • Feeling anxious when you take space or assert a boundary

It’s not that you don’t have a self. It’s that the cost of expressing it has felt too high.

The Relationship Isn’t the Problem—The Pattern Is

When I work with clients navigating this, we don’t start by blaming the partner or even the relationship. We start by getting curious about the cycle that’s unfolding.

Who initiates care?
Who suppresses discomfort?
Who steps back—and who disappears?

Once we see the pattern, we can begin to interrupt it.

The Tool: Reclaiming Voice Through Gentle Boundaries

One small place to begin?

Naming one desire.

Not a demand. Not a defense. A desire.

“I’d really love to take that ceramics class again. I miss it.”
“I’m going to go on a solo walk this evening—I need a little quiet time.”
“I want to talk more openly with you, but I need to feel like I can say hard things without it being a fight.”

Start with your own truth. Then notice what comes up—fear, guilt, relief.

Boundaries are not about pushing people away. They’re about staying rooted enough to meet others in a healthy way.

You Can Be Close Without Disappearing

Intimacy doesn’t require self-erasure. Love doesn’t mean giving up your voice. You can belong to someone else and to yourself at the same time.

The work is learning how to stay connected—to your values, your voice, and your worth—without apology.

May this be a small olive branch of hope for wherever you are.

Warmly,

Susan


Susan Liddy, MAMFT
Cornerstone Family Services
Roswell, Georgia

 

 

🌿 Ready to Reconnect With Yourself—Without Losing Your Relationship?

If you’ve been shrinking, people-pleasing, or struggling to express your needs in your relationship, therapy can help you reclaim your voice without creating distance. You deserve to feel whole, heard, and at home in your own skin.

I offer complimentary consultations to explore whether therapy could support you in finding that balance.

Let’s talk. Sessions are available in-person in Roswell, GA or virtually across Georgia. (My fees, should we choose to work together, range from $125–$135 per session.)